I was talking to a colleague yesterday about an encounter she had with a young salesperson. My colleague, let’s call her Carol, and I were co-presenters at a networking event and met the salesperson there. After the event, the salesperson, I’ll call her Sue, called Carol.

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Recently, a 16 year old employee was fired from her job for writing on her Facebook wall “I’m bored at work today.” Agree with the firing or not, the reality is everything we do online is visible to the world. This young lady had to learn this the hard way.

Networking online is just like networking in person. You would never walk around at a networking event saying “this place is boring” or “buy my product”. People would shun you. Yet, for some reason when we get behind the computer screen or mobile device we feel as if we are anonymous and can say things we would never say in person. I’m going to share the two biggest etiquette rules to social media use.

Rule number one. Think very carefully about what you’re saying. Don’t say anything negative or controversial – religion or politics – if you’re using social media for your company. Never correct or criticize someone publicly. If you must let someone know they are acting inappropriately, do so in a direct message.

Rule number two. Build relationships with people. You will not make friends if you continually spam people and broadcast messages. Social media is a conversation, a dialogue. It’s not a monologue. Would you put up with listening to someone talk on and on about themselves at a networking event and never ask anything about you? No, you wouldn’t. It’s important you comment on people’s posts, reply to them, retweet their tweets (send someone’s posts out to your followers) on Twitter and thank them for doing the same for you. These are all ways to engage and endear yourself to your contacts.

Social media is a big world. Be sure you practice good etiquette so you’re not defriended, unfollowed or otherwise ostracized.

Did you know July is National Cell Phone Courtesy month? Yes, indeedy and with good reason. Inappropriate cell phone use has become a huge problem, and is getting worse as more people are using mobile phones. It is also one of the most irritating issues for many people.

My last Puget Sound Business Journal column article was about National Cell Phone Courtesy month. I gave tips on appropriate and inappropriate phone use. The article won’t be available to non-subscribers until July 29, but you can read part of it here: http://seattle.bizjournals.com/seattle/stories/2010/07/26/smallb2.html 

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I adore my etiquette teacher, Maria Everding, a gracious, funny, ball of fire. I attended Maria’s etiquette school – The Etiquette Institute– to learn all that I needed to know to become an etiquette consultant. I often turn to Maria for advice or perspective. She is also not afraid to tell me when she feels I’m wrong. Her latest email was about a question I posted on the Image and Etiquette Consultant’s group I created on LinkedIn where I called a woman a “gal”. This is Maria’s email:

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I sometimes get out my Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette book to see how much etiquette has changed since the book was written in the 1950s. There is a section on when a man should remove his hat and one on where a secretary should put her steno dictation pad when meeting with her boss. While most men don’t wear formal hats, secretaries are now executive assistants and dictation has been replaced by email, those scenarios were about respect and respect is still important for a profitable, happy workplace. 

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I recently asked my Facebook likes how they feel about people talking on cell phones in public places like the grocery store or coffee shop. Several people responded that they hated it and yet some of those same people stated that they do it themselves. I had to admit that often when doing the weekly grocery shopping I will call my husband, who makes the grocery list, for clarification. But, I do it very quietly and out of the way of others.  

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My friend, Peggy Dolane, writer and social media expert , suggested I write a blog post about our 24/7-reachable-anytime-world. She wondered what the etiquette is about sending and responding to emails after hours. Good question Peggy.

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In almost all of my classes I teach how to have a confident handshake. While it may seem like a really small thing, your handshake actually speaks volumes about you. You want to be sure it expresses that you are a confident, professional person. I saw this video about the 10 different handshakes and thought it did a good job of explaining what each handshake says about you. See if you fall into one of the deadly nine or the perfect ten.

A good handshake is one where you put your hand fully in the other person’s hand, web to web. It’s accompanied with good eye contact and a smile. The grip is firm, but not bone crushing. Both men and women shake hands the same way. Men, no need to be delicate with women. Women no need to hold your hand as if it’s going to be kissed or you’re afraid to touch the other person.

Make sure your handshake is not giving a bad impression about you.

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you may have read in a post or two that I don’t like to cook. Thankfully my husband Eric doesn’t mind too much being the house chef. However, we agreed Sunday dinner is my one night to cook. To make cooking my Sunday meal more fun, I listen to upbeat music on my iPod. I dance around the kitchen as I measure, chop and sauté and I sing at the top of my lungs. Poor Eric.

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I got a recorded call from Americans United for Change urging us to call our senators to encourage them to pass healthcare reform. At the end of the message they stated the phone number to call. They said the number so fast I had to rewind the message three times. I thought about how much money this group must have spent disseminating the message and in the end they said the number so quickly no one could get it. This probably made their campaign fruitless.

What is it about saying phone numbers fast? More often than not someone leaves a message and says their number so quickly that I can’t capture it. Are you hoping to be called back? Say your number slowly and even repeat it. If people have to rewind you’ve probably lost 80% of them.