Is Chivalry Still Appropriate Today?

Thanks for your comment Chris. I don't think feminism is to blame for men's behavior change towards women. I think it’s part of it, but over the years so many things have led to discourteous behavior towards women - less discipline in schools; women being objectified in the media; busy two working parents who don’t always have time to teach and reinforce polite behavior; celebrities, VIPs and politicians acting badly and not receiving consequences; an increase in communication online and through digital devices. All of those have led to a more discourteous society for both men and women.

I agree with gender equal courtesy. Women should hold doors open for others, let their elders enter a room or elevator first, etc. I don’t see a problem with chivalry. I will always be a feminist and yet I appreciate it when my husband walks on the curbside, helps me with my coat, or holds doors open for me. It’s just nice and it doesn’t make me feel inferior or weak.

What? Let's be honest here; the feminist movement rejected chivalry as "benevolent sexism." Even now, go to the top feminist websites which cater to younger women (e.g. feministing.com and jezebel.com) and they continue to maintain that chivalry is sexist.

So, feminist does in fact get a lot of the blame for the change in behavior of men toward women. And, for a fact, chivalry is counter to feminism's gender equality message. There is no reason to offer women any more courtesy or kindness than men are afforded.

So, it is in keeping with feminist theory to get rid of the whole concept of chivalry and stick with gender neutral common courtesy. Meaning, give women the same level of courtesy given to men, no more no less.

Alice - thanks for a thoughtful post on the subject of chivalry. Respect is the underlying basis of chivalry, and while polite demonstrations of respectfulness have changed through the ages, the sense of civility and chivalry are still very important in today's world - perhaps even more so than in ages past, in fact. Today, when it's so easy to feel "disconnected" from family, neighbors or coworkers, it's important to learn how to be respectful without being condescending.
It's also important, in today's society, to recognize that there are many situations we will encounter, and the expectations of chivalry will vary accordingly. How you treat your wife is different from the way you treat a lady on your first date; and those, in turn, are different from how a male employee would treat a female employer, how a male salesperson would treat a female client, or how a male teacher would treat a female student. Yet in each case, there are still ways in which chivalry can be - respectfully and appropriately - displayed.
It's sad, I think, that so many people today (of both genders) have been left with the impression that "gender equality" means "equal discourtesy to all." I salute you for keeping the practice of chivalry alive!
I invite you and your readers to my website to explore the topic a little deeper, if you like: www.ChivalryToday.com

Hi Alice,

Thank you for your comment. I didn't mean to imply that feminism has eroded civility. We've become a more uncivil society for many reasons, feminism is not one of them. Good point about Soujourner Truth not having doors opened for her.

I do support gender neutral manners. Women should be as helpful and courteous as men. Women can help others with their coat, their chair, etc. But, I do think I will teach the history of these customs as they have applied to men.

There is much food for thought in this issue.

I meant to respond before. As a feminist, I think that the goals of equality mean being polite to everyone, holding doors open, etc. for everyone. As the parent of a (now 21 year old) man, I have attempted to model gender neutral manners. I think your note about the increasing rudeness of society is not the result of feminism; there is really no correlation other than time. As for the "past," don't forget that Sojourner Truth never had any doors opened for her. My son is very interested in the issue of etiquette especially in changing times because he feels assumptions are unfair; at the same time he is known for having good manners. Did you confer with Judith Martin's writings?

Amen!